Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
