Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
