We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He passed out mid-signature
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
