you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So many bounce houses so little time
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm getting married
To pizza
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
