You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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