I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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