She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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