You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
