we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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