she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
