I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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