Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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