walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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