Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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