He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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