Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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