gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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