I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
