We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Houston, we have a blender
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
