i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
