is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
