The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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