The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
