Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
