i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's always time for handjobs
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
