i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
