i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
