We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
