Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need to align my fucking chakras
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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