Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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