He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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