who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
