i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just blew my weed a kiss
I want to be your penis for a week.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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