so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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