Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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