The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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