he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
