so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
