maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
