Just cropdusted the office
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
