did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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