I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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