I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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