You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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