Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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