what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
