I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
