I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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