I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
