he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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