Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
