just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We left an ass print on the piano.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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