i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
