Screwed.edu
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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