we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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