I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
