Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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