we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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