I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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