I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
