i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
