South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
