I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.