It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.