just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
