Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You were trust falling into bushes