Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
