Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
