So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think i got beer on your cat.
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