i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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