hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
