Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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