Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
